It's certainly not perfect but I am much happier here than I would have been at home. It is definitely easier to be away from all the people I knew and clear my head. I needed to get away from everything and empty out all my thoughts. There are so many people I miss and love and yet I want to just completely forget what they look like. It's much easier here to be healthy and that's precisely what I wanted.
But another great adventure has called me. They said I could leave and go travel with them for 2 years. It would be an amazing, amazing experience and one I would remember for the rest of my life. Up until last May I was pretty set on this 2 year adventure program. It was my plan. All I wanted. No doubts.
But after they didn't call me I began to feel restless and I gave up hope that they would ever call. I didn't want to spend my life waiting for them. Thus, I went for another plan, which was the adventure to pack up and move here to a town where I don't know anyone.
I like it here and I just got here and I'm not ready to leave yet.
But if I'm here for another six months and all I'm doing is sleeping, working, eating, around and around...then I have to go. I can't say no. There is no reason for me to say no if life here is just going to be like life was before I moved.
But I want to stay. I want a reason to stay. I want an excuse to say no.
I want a group of friends so close that I know I could never leave. I want seasons so beautiful that I can't stop starring at the scenery. I want a church that's so involved in ministering to those who need help that I am on a first-name basis with the homeless in this town. I want a man (with a mustache) and arms that engulf me. I want to be cozied up on his lap when someone from home asks "What about the "two year adventure?" And I want to look at them and say "The two year what?"
I want a reason to stay here. But I won't stay without one. I will go if there's no reason not to. But I don't want to. Please, please dear God, please give me reasons to stay.
