I am worthless because when I was 16, I acted in ways that I
shouldn’t and felt things that people shouldn’t feel and I got in trouble at
school because I was obsessed with this popular girl and they told me I was
never to speak to her again and we’ve never spoken since.
I am worthless because even after I got in trouble at school, I continued to act out, did horrible things like stick my tongue out at
the principal and get suspended, steal some girls notes and ditch class all the
time and I became “bad.”
I am worthless because that was eight years ago and I still
let it define me.
I am worthless because I’ve allowed a pattern in my life to
begin since I was 16 where I get in relationships and ruin them.
I am worthless because when I was 19 I got in a relationship
with a man who had another girlfriend and I continued to try to make it work
because he made me forget about what happened when I was 16.
I am worthless because when I was 20 I fell in love with my
theatre professor because she made me forget about what happened when I was 16
and when I was 19. But then she moved away and the whole world felt like it
would stop spinning.
I am worthless because when I was 22 I became obsessed with
the school secretary because she was one of the best friends I had ever had and
she made me forget about what happened to the theatre teacher, the man, and the
girl when I was 16. But then we got in a fight and nothing has ever been the
same since.
I am worthless because when I was 23, I decided to move
twelve hours away to get rid of all this baggage and to start over, clean, fresh
and new and I just realized you can’t do that because baggage just jumps in the
car and moves with you.
I am worthless because no matter how many people tell me I
am pretty or good or I am a nice person, all I think is “Oh good I’m fooling them, they
don’t know me well enough yet.” And I know that eventually they will realize
the truth about me.
I am worthless because I believe I am worthless
When will I ever stop believing I am worthless? When will I ever believe I have value? When will I ever stop getting into friendships that hurt so bad? I came here to start fresh and new and instead got fourteen more wounds to pile on to the heap.
